Do you ever look back on your life and think of things that you wish you had done, or done differently, or at least wondered what your life would be like if you had?
I see pictures on Facebook every day of my friends’ and family members’ children. There is something magical in watching a child discover things for the first time; they get so excited about things that adults tend to take for granted. I have no children, but strangely enough like watching Disney and other animated movies. I seem to straddle a line between “please make your damn kids stop making so much noise” and actually thinking how awesome it is that children have the ability to just play with all the energy they have and without a care in the world. It’s the same fine line between smiling at those Facebook photos of other people’s children and rolling my eyes at them and thinking, “We get it; you think your kids are cute. Stop with the pictures already.”
And then there’s the age range. I have a niece that’s 7, one of my oldest and closest friends has a son who’s 5, another good friend has 2 children now and a buddy of mine from college who’s the same age as me has a daughter that graduated from high school last year. And I think, “Damn I’m getting old.”
Did I mention that my fiancée and I have been together for 11 and a half years? Yep; just over a decade and we’re still only engaged.
I rent a townhouse instead of looking into buying a house (mainly because I know my credit sucks, plus if something breaks all I have to do is call the landlord instead of having to pay for it myself).
What I’m getting at is, I’m 42, not actually married, don’t have any children and I don’t own my own home. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t have any regrets, per se, but sometimes I wonder, “What if…?”
What if I had kids? What if I owned my own house? What if I had made different choices when I was younger; what if I had done things differently? How different would my life be now? Would I be happier or would I be having this same internal conversation with myself anyway?
Some things I can kind of answer now, like if I had finished my degree, I most likely wouldn’t have met my fiancée (who is my perfect mate) and I almost certainly wouldn’t have the job I have now (which, while a pain in the ass sometimes, is still in a field that I’ve really always wanted to work in). As for the kids, who knows? Sometimes I regret not having children, but most of the time I’m ok with the fact that I have no offspring and the freedom to go and do whatever I want whenever I want. As for buying a house instead of renting – meh; I have a roof over my head and I like the area I’m living in, so I really don’t know that I see any benefit of buying over renting right now.
Sorry if this all seemed melancholy, but the older I get the more I tend to think about these kinds of things.